For years, I wore a beautiful two-tone gold wedding ring set that had diamonds from Hubby, my grandmother, and my first wedding ring set (long story on what happened with my first set). As I aged and got arthritis in my hands, my knuckles got bigger, and I couldn’t get my beautiful ring off. Having it stuck on my finger made me claustrophobic (weird, I know). I finally wrenched it off my finger, and it didn’t go back on. For probably 20 years, it sat in a box. I’d get it out every once in a while and look at it. It would only go as far as my knuckle and that was it. I told myself one day, when I could afford it, I’d take it to a jeweler to be enlarged. Since it’s gold, I assumed it would cost $1,000 to $1,500 to do that. Until I could manage it, it sat hidden away.
I recently decided I wanted it fixed so I could wear my treasured ring again. I saved money and decided to get an estimate. I got recommendations from friends on who to go to and off I went with my ring. I was stunned to find out they could enlarge my ring for well under $200. They did and now I have my beautiful ring on my finger again. I almost cried when I put it on the first time in forever. It was back where it belonged.
My point to this little story comes from something I learned in my college math classes: Never assume too much. If you do, you’re usually wrong. I spent all those years assuming I knew the answer to the problem, but I didn’t. I wasted so much time assuming wrong.
The adage goes beyond my ring.
Misunderstandings sometimes start because one party assumes they know what the other party is thinking. Whether that assumption is right or wrong may never be known without asking. Unless you ask or are a genuine mind reader, you really don’t know for sure how others feel or what they’re thinking. Don’t assume; ask. Keeping the communication avenues open is good for relationships.
One of the things that make me the maddest is when people assume they know what I’m feeling and thinking. They assume too much and are almost always wrong. I’d rather be asked what I’m feeling and thinking than to be told. Wouldn’t you? Remember the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. Ask, rather than assume and cause bad feelings for assuming wrong.
At the same time, when someone asks you what you’re feeling or thinking, tell them the truth. Don’t assume they’re mind readers who should know. Tell them what you think. Communicating can keep the peace.
All of this advice comes down to being kind, unassuming without rushing to judgment. Take the time to ask, then listen, truly listen to the answer.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath given you. Ephesians 4:31-32
Really great post.