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I bought a jar of pickles this past week. It remains unopened because no one in this house can open it. I’m not sure what to do now. Should I take it to church and see if anyone there can open it? Should I visit a neighbor (I know none of them) and see if they can open it? Should I take it back to the store and have an employee open it? It’s a conundrum I don’t like facing.

I’ve noticed it’s getting harder to open things I buy. I blame it all on the person who poisoned random Tylenol capsules and killed seven people back in 1982. Before then, it was the honor system. I guess people had more honor in those days. Since that murder rampage, everything you buy is now protected by hard-to-open packaging. While that’s all well and good in today’s climate of crazy, it makes it hard on those of us with arthritic hands.

The worst is the plastic packaging around batteries, combs, pens, and other easy-to-shoplift items. The package is big and sharp around the edges. Only box cutters or sharp scissors and a tough pair of gloves will free their contents. Seeing something packaged like that gives me have second thoughts on how much I really need what’s inside.

I use a knife to open medicine, vitamin, and ketchup bottles. Those tiny pull tabs on the side generally don’t work for me, so I don’t even try. I hold my knife, give an evil laugh, and stab that security cover, even twisting it a bit. Comes off easily after that. I suppose it’s good they’re there. I don’t have to worry about some imbecile poisoning the tablets inside.

A lot of what I buy has the plastic shrink-wrap around the lid to indicate whether it’s been opened or not. I think that came from the female nut who licked ice cream, then put it back in the case for someone to buy. That lady ought to be scrubbing bathrooms at service stations and truck stops with a toothbrush. I must admit, I worry less about that now that the little plastic thing shows me no one has messed with what I’m buying. Those are much easier to get off and keeps my peace of mind intact.

What a nice world it would be if we didn’t have to worry about such things. If only people respected each other, paid for what they take off the shelves, and leave stuff alone unless they’re buying it. It’s the honest people who pay for the dishonest, but it’s the world we live in. Give me my scissors, box cutter, and knives, and I get by. But how do I get my pickles out? Don’t worry. I’ll figure out a way.

So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Psalms 90:12

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