Gifts for Your Children

I’m dealing with aging parents, and in particular, one obstinate parent. My mother has dementia and cannot make decisions about much of anything. My dad is the mule-headed one. His mind is starting to go bad, but because he’s the one with the most mental capacity of the two, he’s making the decisions for both of them.

We’ve tried for years to get them to move from their isolated country place into town, to an apartment or something similar so they’d be close to doctors, church, and such. Dad has always refused. Now that he can barely walk, it’s hard for him to take care of himself and Mom. It’s time for them to go. I hope he will this time. I pray that he will.

My daughter and I were talking about how much grief, angst, and work this situation has caused our family. She told me something that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. “Two of the greatest things parents can give their children are an education and a plan for their end of life.”

That statement struck me as very profound. My in-laws had a plan for their end-of-life actions. Being thoughtful of what such decisions do to others, they were proactive in downsizing and moving into the appropriate facilities at whatever stage they were in. Their estate and affairs were in order long before they passed. The was no unnecessary drama involved in seeing to their needs as they aged and became more infirmed. I didn’t appreciate that until after they were gone, but they left Hubby and me a great example of how to tend to end-of-life matters before it happens.

In contrast, my parents are the other end of the spectrum. I won’t go into detail here, but I’ve cried a lot of tears along with my siblings. Stress and frustration meters have been pegged many times. I don’t wish this on anyone. Hubby and I have an example of how not to do it.

My advice to everyone, macabre as it may seem, if you’re mid-life and older, start planning how you will handle the end of your life and the issues that may or may not come with it. It’s much better to be prepared than not, plus it’s very thoughtful and kind to those you leave behind. It truly is one of the greatest things you can do for your kids.